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| Our wedding day, July 30, 2005, the day it all began... |
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
Will and I celebrated a decade of marriage this year and God's faithfulness to us on our journey. For the entire month of July, I posted a memory a day of some of our happiest and hardest moments on Instagram. Honestly, I did it as a way to celebrate all that God has done in our lives and marriage over the past ten years. I had no idea the impact it would have. I've been so humbled and encouraged by the comments and texts I've received. I've been especially blessed by conversations I've had with people who have experienced similar circumstances. It reminded me how important each of our stories are to the Kingdom of God. We may never know how God can use our stories to give people hope and healing. So I consolidated the memories into one blog post. I've had lots of questions about sharing more on particular issues and I look forward to doing so as the Holy Spirit prompts and guides me. Just a note…you may want to read this post from bottom to top. It's written from our most recent experiences to the oldest.
This post wasn't a memory, story, or experience but rather a single moment. By far my favorite picture of all time. Because to me it's a beautiful foreshadowing we celebrate as children of God and a portrait of His perfect plan. A man leaving his father and mother to be joined to his wife and united as one. A beautiful image of the way Christ and His church are one. A man stepping out on his own making a covenant with God to love his wife as Christ loves the church. His bride who promises to submit to her husband, a picture of the humility Jesus had when He submitted to the cross on our behalf. A man becoming head of his home as Christ is head of the church, God's perfect design. His bride who takes on the role of creating a sanctuary for her family and managing her home. Much like Jesus who is preparing a place in His Father's house for us. Scripture promises He is coming again to take us to Himself. We will be ushered into the presence of God. Wherever He is we will also be for eternity. What joy that is for us as believers. We are the bride of Christ and so we wait with great anticipation for the day when we will be united with our Bridegroom. Until then, we remain faithful to Him and say with all the redeemed of the Lord, “Come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:20, Genesis 2, John 14, Ephesians 5 ESV and NLT)
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
My husband is the only person that can make me mad, sad and happy all at the same time. So with this post I lightened things up a bit and shared a few of our funniest moments together. Some of which were not always funny at the time, but thankfully we can laugh about them now. Like when our first fight as a married couple was over toilet paper. We disagreed about where to squeeze the toothpaste tube and how to fold towels. When I convinced him we needed a pet so we adopted an adorable cat who turned evil and had a particular obsession for attacking Will's hair. Needless to say we exchanged the cat for a dog we still have. We took a trip to Boston, parked our car and explored the beautiful city on foot until it suddenly started pouring rain and we couldn't remember where we parked the car. We had our new puppy with us so we couldn't just go into any building to wait out the storm. We ended up going to a restaurant begging for trash bags to wear as makeshift raincoats. We were so afraid our heating bill would be too expensive our first winter in NY, so we had the brilliant idea not to use it and just wear layers to stay warm. Every night we went to bed in snow gear, mittens, hats & under every blanket we owned. For real. Neither one of us wanted to be the first to go to the bathroom in the morning (because obviously the seat was too cold) so we'd wait it out in our warm bed to see who had the weakest bladder. Ridiculous, I know. We were driving one day and noticed a tire rolling by us and realized it was ours. We drove to Lake Placid and had the best time hiking and camping. We were trying to get home for work, school and exams but the truck didn't start on an incline of a mountain and it was a Holiday weekend. The time we left our family's house at night in an ice/snowstorm and literally slid all the way from Vermont to New York State. As parents we laugh daily, (otherwise we'll cry) trying to figure out what our toddler is saying. Seriously understanding a toddler is like the most difficult and mean game of charades ever. Ever! When Will makes me watch the dumbest movies but I end up laughing hysterically because he enjoys them so much and his laugh is contagious. One thing is for sure, life with Will is never dull and always an adventure. I'm so thankful for the laughter he brings to my life.
Marriage is such a mystery to me, how God designed two imperfect sinners to coexist and even raise children together. We were painfully insecure about how inadequate we felt as being spouses and parents but God flipped our perspective and revealed that our inadequacies are part of His perfect design. If we could be great spouses and parents on our own then we'd have no need for God. Now we're living and learning that apart from Christ marriage and parenting are impossible. But when we choose to have a posture of humility and dwell in His presence we receive the grace to fulfill our calling. Still sadly in the trenches of life, marriage and parenthood the battle wounds are real and the pain runs deep. But God taught us to see each other through the eyes of Jesus and to lay those hurts at His feet. Although He heals our wounds we're still left with scars. BUT with Jesus the scars become our Ebenezers, a testimony of God's redemptive work in our life. They remind us of God's rich mercy, His beautiful healing and His is perfect love. We began to see how God was using our marriage and parenting to transform us into the imagine of His Son. We experienced that transformation is rarely easy and usually painful, but the outcome produces something beautiful. We bear witness about the Light and by His grace have the opportunity to leave behind a beautiful legacy. We learned that if we are faithful and good stewards of our love story then we reflect the greatest Love story of all time… #Jesus (Matthew 19:26, John 7:1).
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
When we were dating and served on a habitat for humanity trip together and a seed was planted in our hearts for missions. When Will's desire for adventure and mine for ministry collided on the most important mission field there is, our home. We were longing to bring the Gospel to the world, yet we weren't feeling like we were making much difference in the midst of dirty diapers, late night feedings, potty training, tantrums, and laundry. God met us in the mundane and revealed that in fact we are doing the most important kind of Kingdom work, that in loving, serving, and giving our babies Jesus everyday they were learning to sow to the Spirit which will reap eternal life. Raising disciples who love God and can navigate life with grace and conviction is by far our highest calling. God taught us not to grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap [a harvest], if we do not give up. We learned as long as we're obedient to His Word and faithful, the harvest will surely come. An eternal harvest that will go on forever and ever (Galatians 6:8-9).
We were adjusting to our new normal and life was pretty crazy with four kiddos four years old and younger. God taught us about the gift of community and living in His abundant grace. He was stirring our hearts with new passions and showing us where to use our gifts. When we tasted the joy and freedom of doing what we were created to do and it gave us new hope for the future.
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
The Christmas we gave each other the best gifts two people can give, forgiveness and grace. When we became a family of six and met our precious baby girl, Eden Olivia Joy. Her name meaning delight, peace and joy, exactly what our hearts were longing for. When healing came full circle for me as a mama and we decided our marriage was worth the fight. When God taught us to stop striving, surviving, and to start flourishing in the house of the Lord and trust in His unfailing love.
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
When we felt like we were living under a microscope of criticism and judgement which at times was extremely painful. We learned not be ashamed or embarrassed of our hardships and failures because we never know who is watching God work in our life and how He'll redeem our mess. At the throne of grace we exchanged shame, disappointment and rejection for forgiveness, healing and compassion. We learned not to despise the things that make us desperate for more and more of Him. When hardships brought us closer as a couple and when God breathed new life into our marriage.
The summer we took the kids to the beach for the very first time. A fun family summer tradition for Will growing up and memories he loved so much! We had the best week swimming in the ocean, playing in the sand, and eating to our hearts content. When our vacation ended with an unexpected trip to the emergency room because our sweet Noah suddenly became seriously ill. I was never more thankful for my mothers' intuition. But here we were again in another hospital room in the midst of so many unknowns and agonizing waiting, yet we where overwhelmed with His peace. When God revealed his tender loving kindness towards us in the smallest of ways like a sweet old couple who volunteered at the hospital and brought us coffee, water, comfort and prayer. When we experienced God's perfect provision as an ER doctor ending her shift made a unusual diagnosis for a toddler and then stayed to oversee every test and scan. We rode by ambulance to another hospital more equipped to care for Noah, a little boy's dream if not under these circumstances. When God met us in a strange city and led us to the best pediatric surgeon in the state of Florida. We were reminded that no one loves our babies more than the One who created them, so as much as our hearts were hurting we knew The Lord was holding Noah in the palm of His hand and His plan for his life is good and perfect. God healed our precious boy and he made a full and complete recovery. We were reminded how precious life is and how every day is a gift.
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
When God took us on a journey of heartbreak, hope and healing. Our journey began at the emergency room. In the midst of so many unknowns and agonizing waiting we felt the nearness of our God who would carry us through. After a battery of blood work, tests, pokes, and prodding an ultra-sound confirmed the secret of new life we had been keeping to ourselves. A tiny little baby we already loved, but sadly it also exposed a life threatening condition that needed to be resolved immediately. So we held each other in a cold and lonely hospital room praying for a miracle. I awoke from surgery with news that I would make a full recovery but that we had lost the baby. As hard as it was, we didn't ask why because we know the Who. The Author of our stories, the perfecter of our faith, the One who lifts our heads, and most importantly the One who knows the pain of loosing a child. God was asking us to embrace with faith what we've always said in our hearts to be true. Could we believe Him in this place of loss and heartbreak? Does He really draw near and heal the brokenhearted? Is He truly good all the time? Does He really catch all our tears and redeem our pain? And when we experienced all these promises to be true in such a beautiful way. In the middle of heartache we were filled with hope because His Word says that the Sun of Righteousness will arise and bring healing on His wings. Until that glorious day we can praise Him in the valley because He leads us by waters of rest and restores our souls (Psalm 3:3, Hebrews 12:2, Psalm 24).
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
We moved into our forever home and endured the hardest year of our marriage. Adversity was around every corner and we couldn't catch a break. Survival was our motto but we were barley hanging on. When a miscarriage lead to a miracle and two surprise life saving surgeries strengthened our faith.
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
As a family of five I was getting into my groove as a stay at home mom and serving in ministry again. Will and I were going in all different directions, me after three little kiddos all day and Will towards a life long dream. We were preparing for another move. This time it wasn't a few states away but rather a few streets. And when our faith would be refined by the fire.
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| photo credit Carter Photography |
Our third pregnancy was full of surprises from beginning to end. I was convinced we were having a girl but an unplanned c-section revealed my mothers instinct was completely wrong and we added another precious baby boy to our family. My Bennett Joel, my little blessing. The best surprise we've ever had and a constant reminder that His ways are higher and His timing is perfect! And in just over three short years we were a family of five.
The summer Will was brave and took a baby, a toddler and his pregnant wife with morning sickness on our first family trip to San Antonio. We braved the Texas heat for a full day at Sea World, the water park, and the River Walk. We watched our first family firework show over Fiesta Texas from our hotel balcony. Will and I reconnected and laughed together again. When a crazy fun filled trip with two small kiddos actually felt somewhat relaxing. We walked away refreshed and came home with new memories. When we learned that sometimes God's most precious gifts are found in the everyday ordinary moments of life.
When we were two ships passing through the night and we attended two too many funerals. The loss added to bitterness and loneliness added to resentment. We were pouring out but never filling up. We were surprised with another baby and already drowning. When God taught us that the Light is brightest in the darkness.
The birth of one baby marked the beginning of a slippery descent into a pit of despair while the birth of another baby brought deliverance and hope. Only God could heal in such a way. And when we became parents to a beautiful baby boy, Noah William. The second best thing we've ever done and just like that we became a family of four.
On the eve of meeting our baby boy, just 16 months after having our first. When God's healing came like the dawn and the fog was finally lifting. Will was thriving in his profession and I resigned from mine. When the days were long and the nights were longer. And when I learned He alone is my Helper.
The hottest summer on record and I was nine months pregnant. Will was loving his job but working long, long hours while I was at home bonding with our baby girl. Will was all about work and I was all about napping, nesting and avoiding the heat. When God taught me about the beauty in brokenness and redeemed what I once considered lost. When Psalm 34 became my heart's prayer, "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy." And I learned sometimes God heals in mysterious ways.
When the joy of being a new mom was stolen from me like a thief in the night and borrowing hope was my lifeline. WIll graduated and we celebrated milestone birthdays. I was fighting the hardest battle of my life not knowing that healing was on the horizon. It would come straight from Heaven by way of a tiny little babe.
The day we became parents and met our beautiful daughter. By far our wildest adventure and one of the best things we've ever done together.
We were both back in the classroom, settling into our new life in Texas and ready to meet our baby girl. Our lives were about to change in the best of ways but also in the worst, and God was going to use every bit of it for our good and His glory!
The day we found out our first baby would be a girl. As my belly grew so did my insecurities about becoming a mama. If I had known the storm that was coming I would have said no to the journey, but He knew having her would make the journey worth it.
When we learned that God always answers prayers just not always how we pray them. Saying good-bye to our life in New York was really hard. It was like a death to us but in different ways. I mourned leaving friends who had become my family and a job I absolutely loved. Will grieved the loss of a dream or at least the way we'd thought he would achieve it. Our future was uncertain and all we knew was the Lord was directing our paths and we were headed back to Texas.
When my love for cooking was born and menu planning was a hodgepodge of farmer market favorites, recipe experiments and high school concession stands. Pumpkin patches and lilac festivals made our hearts sing. My first senior class gave me a fake cactus for a Christmas tree and I got to educate them about the great state of Texas. We chopped down our tree the old fashion way and had to rearrange our whole apartment to make it fit (huge Christmas tress are always more important than having a place to sit, says Will). It snowed on Thanksgiving and usually on Easter (and everyday in between) and we only came home once a year. Loneliness became a familiar companion but we knew God was with us.
When adventure was our theme and stepping out of our comfort
zones was the norm. We could get away for the weekend to Martha's Vineyard, go camping at Lake Placid or spend the day in Canada. I learned how to
ski on the slopes of Vermont (well "learned" is kind of a stretch because I had a horrible teacher. And yes, that would be Will) We learned
frostbite is real and shoveling snow is no joke. God was asking us
to do crazy hard things like work on cadavers for scientific research (Will not
me) and direct high school plays (me not Will) which made it all the more clearer that it was all God!
When we got to relive all our high school moments together like
going to prom, cheering at sporting events and a senior trip to Virginia
beach. We were spending all of our time in the classroom, me as a teacher and Will as a graduate student. All we had was each other but it was impossible to make time to be together. When my passions for literature/writing collided with ministry/youth and we learned pursuing Will's passion would be much harder than we could
have ever imagined. And God was faithful in it all!
We celebrated our first year of marriage by moving
1500 miles North to a place where it's colder more days than it's warm, where
strangers became family, we learned to navigate blizzards, icy roads,
graduate school and full time ministry. When trusting God was hard and when wearing matching sweaters was super duper cool, a decade ago.
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